


Only Us

by cosmicaddress



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Dear Evan Hansen References, M/M, Pining, Valentine's Day, boyf riends - Freeform, singing valentines, this has quite a bit of sad pining but its fluffy in the end i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-16 16:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmicaddress/pseuds/cosmicaddress
Summary: Middle Borough High's chorus has done singing valentines every year to raise money for the arts, and Jeremy and Michael never really cared about them.  This year, however, all Jeremy can think about is getting one from Michael.  He also can't stop thinking about how it won't happen.





	1. Only Us

**Author's Note:**

> hola! happy early valentine's day! i would wait to post this, but i have been working on it all week and i am actually pretty proud of it and don't really want to wait any longer.
> 
> the title and song at the end are taken from dear evan hansen, and there are various references throughout that definitely do not belong to me. be more chill and the characters do not belong to me either, just the plot.
> 
> now please enjoy a bunch of pining!jeremy :)

Jeremy sighed as he trudged along the dusty sidewalk. He was meant to get a ride from Michael, but the other boy hadn't shown up that morning and it had gotten to the point where Jeremy was too late to catch the bus, so he was forced to walk to school. It wasn't like he would miss class, as he usually got there pretty early anyway, but he knew the walk would leave him a little lacking in the appearance department.

It wasn't as if anyone would mind anymore, however - ever since the play, the popular crowd had, in a way, settled around Jeremy and Michael. Rich was the most obvious change, especially with how he and Jeremy had grown closer, but Jake, Chloe, and Brooke had all joined this small group of theirs. Christine soon joined them after she and Jeremy broke up, realizing that they were much better as friends. She had actually started to become friends with Michael, getting him hooked on various musicals.

Jeremy smiled. At least something good had come out of the whole Squip incident. He knew that Michael deserved friends that were better than him, that wouldn't betray him, and now they weren't all that the other had.

As he approached the school, he peered into the parking lot, spotting Michael's PT Cruiser. He frowned - if Michael was here, why hadn't he picked Jeremy up?

As soon as he arrived at his locker, a hand grabbed his arm.

"Jeremy!" Michael exclaimed. "I'm so sorry, I totally meant to pick you up, but then Christine asked for a ride, and before you know it-"

"Wait, Christine?" Jeremy interrupted. "You couldn't give me a ride because you gave someone else one?" Not that he had anything against Christine, but he found it strange that Michael would promise him a ride and then give one to her instead.

"Yeah, like I was saying," Michael continued. "Christine got me a meeting with the chorus teacher this morning and so I got to audition for Capital Pride, and I'm going to be in chorus this semester now - I'm switching my English to third and dropping computer science, sorry about that."

"You're joining chorus?" Jeremy ignored the fact that his friend had just switched out of their only shared class. Capital Pride was the name of their school's audition-only chorus made up of juniors and seniors (their mascot was the pride, seeing as the lion was taken by the middle school). "Dude, way to go! I thought she had strict rules about taking beginning and intermediate first?"

"Well, yeah, normally," Michael grinned. "But apparently they always need more guys, plus someone is transferring between semesters, _and_ I got a glowing recommendation from Christine, which always helps in the arts department."

"Of course," Jeremy chuckled. He still loved Christine, even if only as a friend. She was good for Michael. He was about to ask about his friend's audition when the bell rang.

"Sorry dude, gotta blast!" Michael said, walking backward and waving. "See you at lunch?"

"See you at lunch!" Jeremy replied, heading to English class. He was bummed that they didn't have English together now, but he knew that this was good for Michael. He could survive a semester without sharing classes. Rich was in his English too anyways, so he wasn't completely alone.

 

Jeremy smiled and waved at Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna. as he entered the cafeteria. The three girls waved back as they wrote down requests at the Singing Valentines table. 

Every year, the chorus classes did singing valentines to raise money for the arts department, only about five dollars apiece. They could be really romantic or just for friends, depending on the song choice. They wouldn't be sent for another three weeks, but they most likely wanted to maximize possible sales. 

Chloe, being Chloe, was basically the poster girl for Capital Pride, and Brooke had decided to audition after Chloe had (Jeremy suspected why, but didn't want to say anything yet - he knew they'd figure it out). Jenna had realized the advantages that would come with being a part of a group at school, and these days she seemed much happier with something to contribute other than gossip that was deemed valuable by the social hierarchy.

The line to send valentines was fairly long, many students sheepishly glancing around the cafeteria, probably nervous about what happened if the person they were sending theirs to saw them buying it. They could be anonymous, of course, but, even if they weren't, perhaps they didn't want to be discovered early. He was surprised at the line - he didn't realize how many people partook in the fundraiser.

Jeremy didn't think he'd send one to anyone, instead choosing to go to where Michael and Christine sat at their normal table. He figured it would be weird to send one to Christine - even if they were still friends, they _had_ just broken up. And he and Michael had never bought them before, so he figured Michael could do without a singing reminder of their friendship.

He slid into a seat next to Michael, who was talking animatedly with Christine about what appeared to be a new musical to obsess over.

"So I go through phases of which song is on repeat in my head, right?" said Michael. "Currently it's Only Us, which is a fucking masterpiece."

"I'm in the phase of all of them," Christine replied, laughing.

"Well, who couldn't be?" Michael grinned. "They're all so good!"

"Hey, guys," Jeremy interjected. "What are we talking about here?"

"Dear Evan Hansen," Christine responded quickly.

"It's an amazing musical, you _have_ to watch the bootleg," Michael set his hand on Jeremy's arm. "Dude, I swear you'll love this one, it seems like exactly what you'd like. Promise me you'll watch it?"

"Yeah, of course, I'll do it tonight," Jeremy clapped the back of Michael's hand. "I don't have a lot that I have to do, so I'll definitely check it out."

 

"Dear Evan Hansen is fucking awesome," Jeremy slammed Michael's locker shut, making the boy jump. "What the hell. I swear that was the best thing I've ever seen."

"Told you, dude," Michael patted his shoulder. "I knew you'd love it. Which song's your favorite?"

"Waving Through A Window," Jeremy replied. "No, Sincerely, Me. No, You Will Be Found. Or Only Us...I guess all of them. They're all the epitome of me, I swear."

"I'm so happy you said that," Michael turned to go to class. "Now all three of us have something to listen to in the car together!"

"Don't you mean scream in the car together?" Jeremy called after him.

 

"Happy birthday!" Rich leaned in for a hug and then handed Jeremy a wrapped present (if you could really call what Rich had done wrapping).

Jeremy grinned as he opened it to reveal a book. "'It's Kind Of A Funny Story' by Ned Vizzini?"

"Yep," Rich rubbed the back of his neck. "I actually used to be a pretty big reader, before, um, you know, and I thought you'd like this one."

"This is great, Rich, thank you," Jeremy tucked the book into a safe space on the bookshelf and sent his friend a reassuring smile. Sometimes things still reminded the both of them of the Squip, and they had soon bonded over what happened. Most of the others had only been briefly affected, so he was happy to have someone to talk to about it. "Tell me if there's anything else you think I'd like, yeah?"

"Definitely, dude," Rich nodded, and, right at that moment, the doorbell rang.

"Oh, someone else is here," Jeremy began to walk toward the front door, and opened it to reveal Michael. "Michael! You're late."

"I know, I'm sorry dude, I was like halfway over to Christine's house to pick her up when she texted saying that her mom is making some dinner and wants her to be there for a family dinner," Michael explained. "She should be over in time to leave, though."

"But it's Friday, pizza night!" Jeremy exclaimed. "She doesn't need to eat dinner before coming here. Well, she's not getting pizza."

"We should make a video telling her that," Rich smirked, grabbing Jeremy's phone from the table and holding it up. "I'll start. Hey, Christine! You don't get any pizza."

"Yeah, Christine, you're late, so you can't have pizza," Jeremy said as Rich turned the camera to him, giving an apologetic smile. Rich then turned it to Michael, who stayed silent for a few seconds before grinning at the camera.

"It's good pizza." 

They all burst into laughter as Rich ended the video and gave Jeremy his phone back so they could send it to Christine, who texted a sad face as soon as she saw it.

"She'll be here soon," Jeremy said, walking to the kitchen to get the pizza onto plates as Rich sat down at the table.

"Hey, Jeremy?" Michael called him.

"Yeah?" Jeremy turned around to see Michael holding something out to him. His eyes narrowed briefly at the thin, rectangular shape before widening immensely. "A Dear Evan Hansen playbill?! Where did you get this?"

"New York," Michael admitted. "I actually went and saw it last weekend with my brother. I would have told you, but I figured he wanted it to be just us."

"I get it, Mike," Jeremy smiled widely as he flipped through the pages. "I really appreciate this, you have no idea. Thank you."

"No problem, Jere," Michael replied. "Happy birthday. I grabbed like nine on the way out."

"Still, this was super nice," Jeremy gave his friend a hug and then grabbed the pizza, setting it down in the center of the table. "Cheese or pepperoni?"

 

Soon Christine arrived and the four of them blasted Dear Evan Hansen as they drove to the comedy show that Jeremy had decided they would go to. 

Michael had said he had grabbed maybe nine playbills on the way out, so maybe giving him one was just a nice thought, but Jeremy was thinking about the idea that it still seemed really special. As he glanced at Michael in the passenger seat and in the audience chair next to him, he couldn't ignore a warm feeling between them that seemed to make him feel more than he should for a best friend.

 

jeremyheere: hey christine

jeremyheere: i have something i need to tell you

christinecanigula: yeah?

jeremyheere: i think

jeremyheere: uh

jeremyheere: i think that i have a crush on michael

christinecanigula: oh my god, are you serious? you guys would be super cute!

jeremyheere: yeah but what if he doesn't like me that way? i would totally ruin everything

christinecanigula: well, i can't speak for michael since i haven't known him super long but you guys are pretty much the perfect pair of human beings no matter what

jeremyheere: idk...i need to stop and think about this a bit because i sorta just realized it and i feel like i've been hit by a truck

christinecanigula: lol okay, text me when you're ready to

jeremyheere: i will, thanks chris

christinecanigula: no problemo

 

Jeremy laid his head in his hands with his elbows against his desk. It was Monday morning, and English wouldn't start for about ten more minutes, but he had dashed to his locker and then to class today. He had a weird feeling in his stomach when he saw Michael in the hallway. Jeremy couldn't be nervous, could he? Sure, maybe he couldn't stop thinking about Michael, and how he smiled, and laughed, and how perfect his face was, but that didn't mean he was all of a sudden nervous to talk to his best friend of twelve years. Nope. Definitely not what was going on.

"Woah, dude, you good?" Rich sat down next to Jeremy and leaned down to look at him. "You kinda look like shit."

"No kidding," Jeremy replied dryly. "I think my brain exploded over the weekend."

"Ha, I feel you, man," Rich smirked. "Was it a girl?"

"A boy, actually," Jeremy turned to look back at Rich. He figured they had become close enough that he wouldn't judge. Especially because of what they shared in common. "I think I'm bi."

"Yo, really?" Rich held up his hand for a high five. "Bi bros! So who's the lucky guy? Does Michael know?"

"Well," Jeremy paused, trying to figure out how to say it out loud for the first time. "Michael doesn't know because, um, the lucky guy might be him?"

"No way, are you kidding?" Rich grinned widely. "I totally called it! You guys are gonna be 'boyf riends'! So when are you gonna tell him?"

"It's not that easy, Rich," Jeremy frowned. "What if he doesn't like me like that? I can't mess it up, not with him. I can't risk losing him, y'know?"

"Huh, I guess," Rich replied, and Jeremy thought he could see the other boy crane his head to look at something outside of the classroom. "I don't really know exactly, I'm usually pretty forward, but I can see where you're coming from."

"I just wish he could make the first move," Jeremy laid his head back down. "Then I wouldn't have to worry about anything. But obviously that won't happen either."

Rich was about to respond when the English teacher walked into the room. "Alright, everyone, the bell has rung, now please get out your copies of _A Separate Peace_..."

 

Jeremy groaned as he sat at his desk, rubbing his eyes as he attempted to finish reading _A Separate Peace_. He didn't even understand why they were reading it, their teacher had even said that it was a book she usually did with sophomores. All in all, the endless paragraphs filled with symbols and metaphors didn't register in Jeremy's brain, his thoughts instead turning to Michael.

Rich's voice echoed in his head. _So when are you gonna tell him?_

How was it fair that Rich could just assume that everyone could go up to their crush and everything would work out? Sure, maybe Rich used to be more focused on getting with a girl than actually having a relationship with her, but couldn't he see now? That Jeremy was just Jeremy? That he couldn't just go up to Michael and tell him because Michael would reject him?

Michael would reject him. _Oh, god, Michael's gonna reject me_ , Jeremy thought.

_Correct, you're not good enough for him. Why would he like you?_

Jeremy shot up at the familiar voice inside his head. Michael wouldn't like him? Of course not, Michael was way out of his league, there was no way Jeremy could tell him.

_If you tell him, there is a ninety-nine percent chance that all you'll do is ruin your friendship. Then he'll never want you._

Jeremy nodded instinctively before realizing that the Squip wasn't really there. But that didn't mean it was wrong. There was no way Jeremy could ever make the first move, he couldn't mess up their friendship. He wished he had some way of knowing how Michael felt, or hinting his feelings so that Michael would make a move first, but was that even possible?

He smiled as a thought came to his head. The singing valentines. He couldn't really send one to Michael, seeing as he would be delivering them, but maybe if someone dropped the idea of sending one to Jeremy in his head...

Jeremy's phone suddenly buzzed, and his mood lifted slightly as he saw who it was.

christinecanigula: hey jeremy

christinecanigula: how was your day

jeremyheere: not heinous

jeremyheere: do you think there's any hope for me with michael

christinecanigula: eh you never know there could be

Jeremy frowned. Wasn't she supposed to be encouraging him? Maybe she felt a bit uncomfortable discussing his love life? He thought they were past that, but perhaps not.

jeremyheere: i just haven't really been talking to him and somehow i still want him to be the one to do something and i'm just ?? not confident ??

christinecanigula: yeah i get what you mean

Jeremy grinned and began typing out his plan. Maybe this could work, maybe Michael could make the first move. Then his phone buzzed again.

christinecanigula: i don't think he's really focused on love atm

Jeremy's smiled dropped. Frantically deleting what he had written, he blinked quickly to keep himself from tearing up. A few minutes ago he had been ready to gush about his crush to his friend, and already he felt crushed? Maybe he could still get Christine to read what he had been thinking without directly asking her.

jeremyheere: yeah i guess i'll try not to think about it then? honestly i was gonna ask you to somehow bring me up to him or something about the singing valentines and i would have let you mention that you think i like him but idk if that's even a good plan since the point would be to see where his head's at but based on what you've said i think i'll just stop

Jeremy sat back and waited for a bit before he realized that his plan had probably been a bit weird and creepy. Oh god, what if she thought his crush had gone from cute to stalkerish?

jeremyheere: also it would probably be awkward on your part if you even wanted to do it lol yeah

He waited, but there was no reply.

 

"What did you think of the ending?" Jeremy asked Rich, eraser marks covering his paper. "Is the enemy he's talking about supposed to be hate?"

"Dude," Rich gave him a long look. "I actually have no fucking clue. Let's just write that down and then we're done, she didn't give us much to do today because of the sub."

Their English teacher was out and had only given them a short worksheet to do, so they really had a free half hour in class today. Jeremy quickly scrawled a few sentences underneath question twelve and then pulled out his phone, scrolling through Twitter until Rich finished.

"So, how did the studying go?" He inquired. Jake had been tutoring him the day before. "Or was there actually studying involved?"

"Shut up," Rich glared playfully. "We did get all of my math homework done."

"What did you do afterwards?" Jeremy smirked. "Chemistry? French?"

"I told you to shut up!" Rich sighed in exasperation. "I mean, obviously there was _some_ kissing involved, but we were doing work. Actually, Jake asked me something really interesting."

"Oh really?" Jeremy waggled his eyebrows at Rich, who immediately slapped him on the arm until he stopped. "Seriously, though, what was it?"

"Well," Rich grinned. "He asked if you and Michael were dating, and he didn't believe me when I said no."

"Are you kidding me?" Jeremy's eyes widened. Rich shook his head. "But Jake is friends with Michael, wouldn't he know?"

"I don't know, dude, but I'd take it as a good sign," Rich replied. "He must have had some reason for thinking that. Maybe there's hope for you yet."

It was strange. Jake had become closer with Michael in the past few weeks, maybe because of how he was one of the few guys in chorus. He had noticed how they hung out sometimes when Jeremy and Michael would have been together pre-Squip, but he didn't mind - he still had Rich, and he wasn't about to complain about someone who could make his best friend happier. But why did Jake think that they were dating? Whatever it was, Rich was right, it had to be a good sign.

Jeremy had a smile on his face for the rest of the day.

 

jeremyheere: okay

jeremyheere: i know i said i would stop

jeremyheere: but tell me if i'm annoying

jeremy: rich said that jake asked him if michael and i were dating and didn't believe rich when he said no and i'm just confused about why he'd think that? like michael and i have been best friends for forever and are actually just now hanging out less so i don't see where he's getting it from? it is jake we're talking about who used to be friends with some of those guys like rich who would call us gay and now he just ships his friends but he actually has no reason to think we're dating

Jeremy turned to his homework as he waited for Christine to respond. Why was it now that Michael had to consume his every thought when he saw him less and less? He was still able to talk to him normally but he always felt like he had to be more cautious about what he said, which he hated. Michael was the one person who always made him feel comfortable, and still did, but it was like Jeremy had created a new standard for himself by having a crush on him.

Maybe once Christine responded he would feel better. Jake had some reason, right? Maybe Michael had said something to him, and Christine overheard, or Michael told Christine something that Jake overheard. Maybe Christine just felt bad about all the underhanded tactics Jeremy was using to figure out Michael's feelings while if Michael even cared about it, he wasn't using them. Maybe Jake was just joking. Maybe Jeremy was a big fucking idiot, but he knew that someone had to know _something_.

His phone buzzed.

christinecanigula: he says that about everyone

And Jeremy's heart shattered.

 

Christine hadn't just confirmed one of Jeremy's fears. She had unintentionally destroyed his last piece of hope. He had thought he could confide in her, but her response made it seem like she had just wanted to dismiss the conversation. She had wanted him to stop talking about it. 

That must have been it, he must have just been annoying her. Of course he was. How could he not? He was just some big screw-up who couldn't even communicate normally with his friends.

_Of course you were annoying her, Jeremy. Why would she ever want to listen to your strange, borderline stalkerish affections for Michael, or for you to ask her to drop hints for you in a completely awkward fashion? You're just a nobody. You don't deserve Michael._

He didn't deserve Michael. Michael, who was so perfect, whose smile was subtle, and perfect, and real, and made him feel wonderful. Who always wore his headphones around his neck for when he got bored, and always wore his hoodie and played with the strings in the way Jeremy played with the thumb-holes of his cardigan. Who could make Jeremy relax for once.

_Don't you realize how much of a burden you are, Jeremy? Have you ever thought that maybe Michael doesn't like having to do all of this things for you? Why would he ever want to have something more with you and always have to deal with you?_

_He wouldn't_ , Jeremy realized.

_Michael doesn't want you, Jeremy. No one does._

 

Jeremy sat at a table in the cafeteria alone. Rich was off with some of his other friends. The rest of the gang were all in chorus, and they had taken to eating in the chorus room. The chorus teacher would only let arts students eat there, and they had never realized that Jeremy was alone, maybe assuming he was with Rich.

Maybe they thought he was normal and could have other friends like any other human being. He scoffed at the thought. If only it were as easy for him as it seemed to be for everyone else.

Jeremy gazed at the singing valentines table, being managed by some other members of Capital Pride today. He knew Michael wasn't going to buy one for him or confess his love in some grand manner, he had absolutely no reason to want Jeremy, but Jeremy still thought about it.

Suddenly the bell rang and his eyes snapped back to his half-eaten lunch. The next day was the last day to buy singing valentines, and an early release for a two and a half day weekend, so there wouldn't be lunch for students to buy singing valentines, only the brief time before first period. The singing valentines would be delivered next Wednesday. He knew better than to even think that it would happen, that Michael would waste his time on something like that for him.

_Why would anyone?_

 

Lockers opening were followed by small giggles and "awe"s as small pieces of paper fluttered out. Students crept up behind their significant others and surprised them with balloons, stuffed animals, and chocolates. One kid even read out a poem, leaving a blonde cheerleader blushing but also receiving a broken nose from her football player boyfriend.

All around him Jeremy could hear around him was the sound of "Happy Valentine's Day" and "I love you"s, and all he could think about was how stupid it all was. Why was there a holiday that made the single feel so shitty? Why couldn't he be one of those kids who didn't feel shitty? All he could think about was Michael, of whom a mere mention left a sharp pang in his heart. He knew he shouldn't have ever gotten his hopes up, because he knew nothing would come of it.

He slowly made his way into English, sliding into his seat a few minutes before the bell would ring. He just stayed there staring at his desk until Rich came in.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Rich's smile faded and he stuck his hands out in front of Jeremy's face, waving it back and forth. "Dude, you okay?"

"No," Jeremy replied truthfully, glancing briefly at Rich and then around the room before resolving to just stare out of the window. "I just can't stop thinking about him, and I hate it. Christine has indirectly proven to me that it's just not going to happen and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Oh, man," Rich's voice broke a bit. "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize how difficult this was for you or how hard you were taking it. If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thanks, Rich," Jeremy let a small smile slide onto his face before class started.

"Alright, class, please pull out your rough drafts and we will start peer editing," the teacher said announced.

Rich and Jeremy paired up, mostly working in silence, reading each other's papers and making small notes here and there. The tension was prevalent; it was obvious that Rich wasn't quite sure how to help.

"What," Jeremy smirked, looking up at Rich. "In the hell does this say?"

"What part?" Rich frowned, trying to snatch his paper from Jeremy's hands.

"I thought we agreed on question twelve last week!" Jeremy exclaimed. He was starting to feel a bit better. Maybe he just needed a friend, one he could talk to without feeling nervous or weird. "What did you write?"

"Don't you remember how I changed that answer Friday?" Rich raised his eyebrows. "I gave you like a whole speech on why we were wrong. Where were you, in space?"

Jeremy inhaled sharply and looked away from Rich. "Never mind." Friday hadn't been a great day either, and he could barely concentrate on anything.

"Sorry," Rich patted him on the arm in the realization of why Jeremy hadn't been paying attention. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Jeremy replied, jumping back into Rich's essay.

Class had about twenty minutes left when there was a knock on the door. The teacher went up to open the door and in came Michael, Christine, Jake, Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna, along with a few other kids from chorus. Jeremy smiled weakly at Michael, who seemed to be fidgeting nervously with the drawstrings of his hoodie again.

"Singing valentines are here!" Chloe smiled as they stood in the front of the room. "This should take a bit, we have a few to give out."

Over the next few minutes, a couple of kids in Jeremy's class received singing valentines, mostly just friends sending each other a nice message. Rich blushed when the group of chorus kids began singing a short version of "The Longest Time" as Jake walked over with a small notecard. Jeremy elbowed him, which caused Rich to elbow him back. This would have continued if Jeremy didn't still have at least some dignity after becoming friends with Rich.  
Jeremy smiled as the song ended. He was happy for Rich, even if he couldn't have the person he wanted, at least Rich had Jake. They were good for each other.

Michael stepped up to the front of the group and cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets as the applause faded. Jeremy frowned - he seemed nervous about something.

"So, uh, this last song isn't from the list," Michael started, bouncing a bit in his place. "But that's because it's from me to someone very special. It's usually done with piano, but we've made it an a capella piece. So I hope you enjoy it."

The group slowly formed a semicircle around Michael, building up a tune that sounded very familiar to Jeremy.

"I don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you," Michael sang, and Jeremy's jaw dropped, because, _my god, his voice is beautiful_. "I don't need you to search for the proof that I should."

Michael met Jeremy's eyes and he felt his heart flutter. Michael couldn't be...or was he? Was Michael singing to _him?_

"You don't have to convince me, you don't have to be scared you're not enough, 'cause what we've got going is good."

Michael began to make his way to Jeremy's desk. Jeremy sat dumbfounded as his best friend and huge crush sang a love song to him. Was this really happening?

"I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken, I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget."

Rich shot Jeremy a surprised grin and softly clapped him on the back. "Knew it," he mouthed. But Jeremy didn't look away from Michael.

"Clear the slate and start over, try to quiet the noises in your head. We can't compete with all that."

Michael grabbed Jeremy's hand, and seemed to be trying to comfort him with these lines. How did he know? It was like he knew exactly when and what Jeremy needed to feel better.

"So what if it's us? What if it's us and only us? And what came before won't count anymore or matter? Can we try that?"

Jeremy blushed as they laced their fingers together. Michael was not only singing to Jeremy, but it was a love song, and it was "Only Us" from Dear Evan Hansen. It seemed almost like a dream come true.

"What if it's you, and what if it's me, and what if that's all that we need it to be? And the rest of the world falls away? What do you say?"

Silence fell across the room. Jeremy had to remember to breathe as he looked into Michael's eyes. Michael squeezed his hand.

"Well?" Michael said nervously, his free hand fiddling with his drawstrings again. "Will you go out with me, Jere?"

A moment passed, and Michael's face fell a bit, and that was when Jeremy realized, _holy shit, I need to answer._

"Of course, Michael!" Jeremy blurted out, his face going red. "I mean yes, yes, a thousand times yes, I would love to."

Michael broke out into a grin as the rest of the class provided some "awe"s, along with cheers from their friends and a "Get some, Heere!" from Rich. 

"I never thought there'd be someone like you who would want me," Jeremy sang softly to Michael amidst the chaos that had overtaken the classroom. "So I give you ten thousand reasons to not let me go."

"I'll never let you go," Michael hugged Jeremy tightly.

"But if you really see me, if you like me for me and nothing else, well, that's all that I've wanted for longer that you could possibly know," Jeremy whispered into Michael's ear. "Well, it's only been a few weeks since I realized, but you know what I mean. How long?"

"Since seventh grade, dude," Michael chuckled. "I was always just too afraid to mess up our friendship."

"What changed?" Jeremy asked.

"Christine, actually," Michael admitted. "She caught on pretty early, and convinced me to try this whole thing maybe last week?"

"She did?" Jeremy let a smile slide onto his face. "Holy shit, I asked her to just subtly suggest it to see what you'd say. She sorta completely shut it down though, I had no idea that she actually did it."

"Well, from now on, you are always going to know how I feel," Michael said, lacing his fingers through Jeremy's again. "Because it will be love for you."

"It's not so impossible, nobody else but the two of us here," Jeremy hummed, leaning his head onto Michael's shoulder.

"'Cause you're saying it's possible, we can just watch the whole world disappear," Michael continued, running his hand through Jeremy's hair.

"Til you're the only one I still know how to see, it's just you and me, it'll be us, it'll be us and only us," They sang together, grinning like idiots.

Jeremy and Michael kept humming the song softly as they looked at their friends. Jake and Rich happy in each other's arms. Brooke shyly glancing at Chloe as they talked. Christine and Jenna becoming really good friends, having both felt separated from their peers before. As they looked back at each other, they couldn't imagine anything outside of this moment, outside of their little world.

"The world falls away, the world falls away, and it's only us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that's that! i honestly thought this was super cute and had to write it.
> 
> seriously though, this is actually based on my life, write what you know right? i have a giant crush on this guy named nicholas, so he's my michael i guess? but we're not super close like jeremy and michael. and i'm also not as close to my christine, he definitely was not as amazing of a friend as she was in this. i really did try to drop hints but they're so subtle that they'll never work. i would hope that this would happen to me, but maybe with the longest time and not only us since it's perfect for jeremy and michael but definitely doesn't fit my life. i just wish he would ask me out and make the first move
> 
> anyways the dear evan hansen playbill thing really did happen (which i'm super happy about because i've only mentioned dear evan hansen to him once ) and so did the pizza video, he's so funny and ugh i wish it would happen but it wON'T
> 
> also since it's based on my life i did include "a separate peace" by john knowles which is actually pretty good. the last few lines really hit me and i was like "dang. this is the real shit right here" and so you should check it out. edit 2/11: today i wrote a BOMB english essay for this book and im proud of it but it’s supposed to be 2-3 pages and i made it 4 whoops
> 
> lol if anything DOES happen i'll update this note and that would be absolutely magical but i'm pretty sure that's ultra wishful thinking. my tumblr is sincerelyheere and if you look at the “crush” tag you’ll see a lot of unrequited pining
> 
> edit 2/14 i did not get a singing valentine from him (or anyone) :/
> 
> anyways enough rambling from me, i hope y'all enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing it :)


	2. Today Is Going To Be A Good Day, And Heere’s Why

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy doesn't get a singing valentine from Michael, and, after wallowing for a bit, takes matters into his own hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yo yo yo! look at me bringing an update to a completed fic a month later! this is actually an alternate ending to the original work. don't even ask how i got the idea, it's the same way jeremy gets his idea, except i was thinking about my crush when it happened and i'm not going to actually do it. but i think it's a cute idea. you'll see. it does pick up during the last scene, and although i made some minor tweaks to fit the end, you can probably skip to when jake sings to rich if you read the original. enjoy!

Lockers opening were followed by small giggles and "awe"s as small pieces of paper fluttered out. Students crept up behind their significant others and surprised them with balloons, stuffed animals, and chocolates. One kid even read out a poem, leaving a blonde cheerleader blushing but also receiving a broken nose from her football player boyfriend.

All around him Jeremy could hear around him was the sound of "Happy Valentine's Day" and "I love you"s, and all he could think about was how stupid it all was. Why was there a holiday that made the single feel so shitty? Why couldn't he be one of those kids who didn't feel shitty? All he could think about was Michael, of whom a mere mention left a sharp pang in his heart. He knew he shouldn't have ever gotten his hopes up, because he knew nothing would come of it.

He slowly made his way into English, sliding into his seat a few minutes before the bell would ring. He just stayed there staring at his desk until Rich came in.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Rich's smile faded and he stuck his hands out in front of Jeremy's face, waving it back and forth. "Dude, you okay?"

"No," Jeremy replied truthfully, glancing briefly at Rich and then around the room before resolving to just stare out of the window. "I just can't stop thinking about him, and I hate it. Christine has indirectly proven to me that it's just not going to happen and I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Oh, man," Rich's voice broke a bit. "I'm sorry, I guess I didn't realize how difficult this was for you or how hard you were taking it. If you ever need to talk about it, I'm here."

"Thanks, Rich," Jeremy let a small smile slide onto his face before class started.

"Alright, class, please pull out your rough drafts and we will start peer editing," the teacher said announced.

Rich and Jeremy paired up, mostly working in silence, reading each other's papers and making small notes here and there. The tension was prevalent; it was obvious that Rich wasn't quite sure how to help.

"What," Jeremy smirked, looking up at Rich. "In the hell does this say?"

"What part?" Rich frowned, trying to snatch his paper from Jeremy's hands.

"I thought we agreed on question twelve last week!" Jeremy exclaimed. He was starting to feel a bit better. Maybe he just needed a friend, one he could talk to without feeling nervous or weird. "What did you write?"

"Don't you remember how I changed that answer Friday?" Rich raised his eyebrows. "I gave you like a whole speech on why we were wrong. Where were you, in space?"

Jeremy inhaled sharply and looked away from Rich. "Never mind." Friday hadn't been a great day either, and he could barely concentrate on anything.

"Sorry," Rich patted him on the arm in the realization of why Jeremy hadn't been paying attention. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Jeremy replied, jumping back into Rich's essay.

Class had about twenty minutes left when there was a knock on the door. The teacher went up to open the door and in came Michael, Christine, Jake, Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna, along with a few other kids from chorus. Jeremy smiled weakly at Michael, who seemed to be the most excited singer. Jeremy was happy that his friend had found something to really pour his heart into.

"Singing valentines are here!" Chloe smiled as they stood in the front of the room. "This should take a bit, we have a few to give out."

Over the next few minutes, a couple of kids in Jeremy's class received singing valentines, mostly just friends sending each other a nice message. Rich blushed when the group of chorus kids began singing a short version of "The Longest Time" as Jake walked over with a small notecard. Jeremy elbowed him, which caused Rich to elbow him back. This would have continued if Jeremy didn't still have at least some dignity after becoming friends with Rich.  
Jeremy smiled as the song ended. He was happy for Rich, even if he couldn't have the person he wanted, at least Rich had Jake. They were good for each other.

"Thank you everyone, that will be all!" Michael waved at Jeremy as the group exited the classroom, buzzing excitedly about missing their classes to sing. Jeremy smiled back, but he knew that his eyes betrayed his true emotions, for they were already beginning to water.

Rich took a pause from his beaming to place a hand on Jeremy's arm in comfort. Yes, he appreciated it, but it was easy to see how Rich was still _glowing_. Jeremy couldn't be happier for his friend, but he couldn't help the stab of loneliness he felt at the thought of being in love. The thought of Michael being in love with him.

But that was all they were. Thoughts, dreams, wishes. He knew they would never be reality.

 

During the next few weeks, nothing improved. Jeremy didn't see Michael as often as he used to, but, every time he did, it got worse. He couldn't stop thinking about Michael's smile, or his laugh, or his jokes. He knew he was withdrawing himself, which was terrible because he couldn't survive without Michael, but he also couldn't stand to be with him.

It was a Wednesday night a month later when Jeremy realized it. He had been rearranging the books on his bookshelf and finally decided to make his Dear Evan Hansen playbill stand up. Not that he hadn't tried before, but it kept falling over, and he had left it where it was when it fell the week before. He grinned when it stood up after a few minutes of careful balancing. 

That grin lasted for twenty seconds until a sudden whooshing noise made him jump. Of course it had fallen over again, of course, just his luck. He reached down to pick it up (nothing had bent, _thank god_ ) when something caught his eye. Within the playbill, there were various papers, saying "no cell phones" and denoting the understudy that would play Alana. The third piece of paper was what sparked it, however.

A small blue postcard that read "Dear blank, today is going to be a good day and here's why: blank, sincerely, me (blank)" was staring Jeremy in the face. He had stared right back at it plenty of times, but never really thought about what seemed to be a cool souvenir for someone who had actually gone to the show.

 _God, if only I had the confidence, this would be_ perfect, Jeremy thought.

Ultimately he decided to text Rich. Christine was great, but she hadn't seemed to help much in reassuring him in the past few months. At least Rich was trying to understand and be there for him.

Jeremy told Rich his idea in one obsenely large, overthought text. He was slightly annoyed yet overjoyed at what he got back.

richgoranski: hell yeah dude GO FOR IT

 

School had never been more nervewracking, not even when Rich had been a Squipped jerk that shoved him everywhere. No, Jeremy decided, love was much worse. Actually planning on confessing, though? Literal death. 

Jeremy's hands wouldn't stop sweating, and as he approached locker number 420 (a small smile flitted briefly across his face at how happy Michael had been to get this locker, but soon disappeared), he felt his stomach fill up with dread. Was he really doing this? What if he ruined their friendship? What if Michael hated him?

Jeremy set his face into a determined expression. He wasn't going to let his doubts get in the way. He had to end this weird phase of friendship with Michael, whether that meant they became something more or less. His jaw set with conviction as he reached his hand up.

As soon as he dropped the postcard in, his whole face went red. What the hell had he just done?

"Jere!" Michael's voice called from behind him. The tall boy begin to fidget with the lock that was the only defense left in front of the postcard. "How's it hanging? Oh, I can give you a ride today if you need one, no chorus rehearsal for once."

"Hey, Mike," Jeremy brightened up at the sight of his best friend. Maybe he had just destroyed everything, but at least Michael was genuinely happy. "I'm fine, you?"

"Good, I'm...huh, what's this?" Michael had opened up his locker and the postcard had fluttered to the floor. "Wait, this is from the Dear Evan Hansen playbill..."

Jeremy watched Michael's face as he read what Jeremy had written. He betrayed no emotion or reaction, making Jeremy go over what he had said in his mind.

_Dear Michael Mell,_

_Today is going to be a good day, and here's why. Because, today, I am going to tell you two things, and ask you one. Number one, I'm bi, and number two, you're the reason why. Will you go out with me?_

_Sincerely,_

_Me (Jeremy Heere)_

Jeremy was so lost in thought that he didn't even notice that Michael had finished reading the postcard.

"Jere? Jere?" Michael called. "Oh, for the love of god, _Jeremiah Heere_."

"Oh my god, I just ruined everything, I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking..." Jeremy turned his head to the floor, tears already welling up. How could he have been so stupid?

"Yes, Jeremy, I will go out with you," Michael let a grin slide onto his face. "You really are a dork."

"Shut up! Wait, really? You mean it?" Jeremy's heart soared. Never in a million years did he think this would actually happen.

"Of course I mean it, I've had a crush on you for like forever," Michael admitted. "I was going to sing you a singing valentine, but I chickened out. You have no clue how happy I am right now."

"Oh, coolio, because I have two tickets to the opening of _Love, Simon_ that shouldn't go to waste," Jeremy ignored the fact that he had just used the word coolio while asking Michael out. It didn't matter, he got the guy.

Michael didn't ignore it, however, and repeatedly said "coolio" for the rest of the day.

 

Michael would be lying if he said that he didn't at least think about saying it again right at the end of the movie. He actually started to, but Jeremy cut him off with a soft kiss. Maybe his boyfriend being such a dork made it all more perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please lord can someone ask me out (i know that i talk about this one guy a lot but seriously i find so many boys funny and attractive and would not mind if one of them asked me out holy fuck i'm lonely)


End file.
